You never know what you might come across in a magazine -- or if you should believe what you read in those tabloids at the newsracks and checkout stands in grocery stores. (And for the record, I don’t believe what any of them say.)

I thought I’d seen it all until I came across an item with “advice” on how to end a relationship. It was so off-the-wall, I just shook my head in disbelief.

What will they think of next?

While I’ve been out of the dating pool for a while (my choice -- at least that’s what I tell myself), I still believe the grown-up thing to do when you’re ready to break off a relationship is to meet face to face.

But a recent magazine article I read offered several options where people can have their significant (and soon-to-be-former) other informed that the relationship is over. It can be done either by phone or on a Web site -- both specializing in break-ups.

Have you ever heard of such a thing? It must be the antithesis of those Web dating sites -- those where clients tell “little white lies” about their appearance and give a lengthy list of accomplishments that would take the average person two lifetimes to achieve. I guess it’s likely they will never meet face-to-face anyway.

I know breaking up can be hard to do, but if you must end a relationship, face it like an adult.

But for those who just aren’t grown up enough to do so, several alternatives to the personal touch are offered -- for a fee, of course, because no one does anything for nothing.

One company will do the “dirty deed” for you via a phone call to the person you want to break up with (or, as I call him or her, the “dumpee”). And for an even higher fee, a personal visit could be made to tell the dumpee to stay away from you.

Another choice is a Web site where for $25, the dumpee receives a stuffed monkey and a certificate by mail with the date the relationship ended (free shipping!), followed by a phone call to confirm the breakup is for real.

The way the mail system is nowadays, one could assume it might be weeks before the dumpee gets the message he has been dumped. Of course, if the “special someone” hasn’t heard from you in 14 to 21 days, they have to be from another planet not to realize the relationship already is over.

Does anyone really think a stuffed monkey can make up for a breakup, or that it is more humane to do so by phone than in person?

Come on. Be adult about it. If you are done with a relationship, just come out and tell someone. Then you can both move on with your lives. And if you are not mature enough to handle breakup, you probably weren’t ready for a relationship anyway. Getting someone else to end relationship for you is like wearing a white dress to your best friend’s wedding, or ordering rocky mountain oysters and expecting seafood -- it’s just plain wrong.

There’s a right way to do things. And to end a relationship with a minimum of hurt for each person involved, plan to meet in person one last time and discuss it rationally. Be firm, but be nice. Not all relationships were meant to last, obviously.

And you never know, it might even lead to a friendship. And who ever has enough friends?

But if you just can’t find the courage to break up in person, you could always phone the Maury Povich show and do public break-up on television in front of millions of viewers. People seem to just eat that stuff up.

And it’s a guarantee; the dumpee for sure will leave you alone after that.

Lisa Carnley is managing editor of the Lampasas Dispatch Record.