My younger son, Zach, is getting married in just a few days, and while I may not be the best person to give marital advice, I have been around long enough to share some ... let's just call them "chunks of wisdom."

There are a lot of things prospective married males should understand before they tie the knot, so to speak, but there are an equal -- if not greater -- number of "don'ts." Such as:

Don't leave your dirty underwear, socks, etc., on the floor. The dogs don't need any encouragement to play tug-ofwar, and your wife may not relish picking scraps of tightiewhities out of the carpet.

Don't ask her what's for dinner. You may find out that you are cooking after all.

Don't expect her to clean up after you've cooked either. After all, it's your mess.

Don't leave the toilet seat up, especially at night. Enough said.

Don't forget to replace the empty toilet paper roll with a fresh one. You lifted weights at the gym, so you can probably manage a cardboard roll.

Don't ask her to clean up the doggy-doo that "your" dogs left in the middle of the floor.

Don't expect a kiss upon waking in the morning. It doesn't matter how much toothpaste or mouthwash you used the night before, it won't help.

Don't question why your socks and underwear aren't as white as they could be. She might take offense and wash them with her red bathrobe. (I've done this, and they turn such a pretty shade of pink!)

Don't buy her a vacuum or blender -- or any other appliance, for that matter -- on your anniversary. Just because you like to get tools doesn't mean she does.

Don't make the mistake of thinking that since you want shrimp you'll be headed to Red Lobster for supper. She also may want shrimp but of the fried-rice variety, and you'll be going for Chinese.

Don't ask her how much it (whatever she bought) cost. If you have to ask, you can't afford it anyway. And she's sure not going to return it.

Don't ask her if she's really going to wear "that." That's a definite mood killer. Guaranteed.

And, don't ever -- EVER -- tell your bride that her lipstick is too dark, her toenails are too scratchy, her blouse looks too tight or her hair is too short.

Now, I know the road to a happy marriage hits a rocky trail once in awhile, but if you don't let things get too out of hand before you deal with them, chances are they can be fixed. Just ask your wife. She'll tell you how.

And finally, remember these "do's": Do kiss each other goodnight. Do say 'I love you' as often as you can. Do show respect for each other's thoughts and feelings. Do listen to each other.

But most of all, do the very best you can to make it work. Because as much as I love you, your furry brothers (the dogs) now occupy the spare bedroom.

Lisa Carnley is managing editor of the Lampasas Dispatch Record. After watching the planning of her son's wedding for the past year, she is thankful every day to be the parent of the groom and not the bride.